How to Create Beautiful Boundaries & Borders Without Pushing People Away
Have you ever said to yourself, “I don’t have strong boundaries and that’s why I let people walk all over me!”?
If that’s you, keep reading…
Think about the slogan for Ford, “Built Ford Tough”. We don’t know if they really are tough but they tell us who they are. If someone calls them wimpy, they don’t become wimpy. They’ve already told us who they are so other people cannot define them. By them telling us who they are, it becomes a boundary that protects who they are.
You are the same way! If you don’t know who you are, when someone tries to tell you who you are, you believe them and let them define you.
You MUST go through the process of undefining who you have become as a result of what others have spoken over you, your conditioning and your past.
When you define who you are at your core, it becomes a boundary. (I’ll tak more about this in a minute.)
The women I work with often say they have no boundaries. In an attempt to protect themselves, they put up walls.
I want to give you 7 quick tips to estabilshing healthy boundaries WITHOUT pushing people away:
– Neutralize negative self-talk – You subconciously teach people how to treat you by the way you treat yourself so when you treat yourself better, your self-talk becomes a boundary.
– Don’t be afraid to judge – Women often tell me they don’t want to be judgmental so they don’t trust themselves when they are discerning something. When you are sensing something, get curious. Become a fruit inspector. Judge the fruit of a person’s life, not the person. When someone tells you who they are (by their action) believe them! (This becomes a personal boundary for you.)
– Trust your yourself – Once you have judged the fruit, not the person…trust your gut! Your trust in yourself becomes a boundary.
– Decide what you want – Too many times, women are doing what everyone else wants them to do, be or have. Decide what you really, really, really want without apologizing. Deciding what you want becomes a personal boundary.
– Go after what you want – The only true personal power that you have is in this present moment. Decide what you want and then go after what you want so that you don’t manipulate with your emotions to get what you want. Being responsible for the dreams and desires in your heart and going after what you want becomes a personal boundary.
– Get to know who you at your core – Just like Ford, once you fianlly get to know who you are at your core, then no one can tell you who you are. You will begin to show up in the world as the most authentic version of who you were created to be. Your authenticity becomes a personal border.
– Validate yourself – Don’t wait for someone else to give you permission. Taking a stand for YOU, believing in yourself without needing the approval of someone else becomes a personal boundary.
Here’s the way I think about boundaries…
The problem with putting up boundaries is that most women build brick walls instead of boundaries. While those walls may protect them from rejection or other painful emotions, they also block deep connection and true love.
Instead of boundaries, I think BORDERS. One of my core values is freedom. Too much restriction hinders my creative flow. With that being said, I like to think of myself as a river. A river has embankments which gives the river the ability to harness it’s flow. I like to think of my personal boundaries as borders that enhance my flow instead of restrict my flow.
Another way that I think about my own personal boundaries is in terms of a castle with a moat and a draw bridge. I envision myself as the queen of my kingdom and I am responsible for governing my kingdom well. I choose who to let into my castle and who stays in the outer kingdom. I also choose how long they stay. Just becuase they entered my castle does not mean they have permanent access. (Hello…I am preaching to somebidy right now!)
How does thinking about yourself as a river with embankments change the way you think about personal boundaries?
How does thinking about yourself as the queen of your castle, using your moat and draw bridge to govern your kingdom change the way you think about your own personal boundaries?
Having healthy boundaries will enhance your relationships and explode your confidence!
If you want to talk about how you can get to know who you realy are at your core and establish healthier boundaries, I GOTCH YOU, GIRL! You can set up a time to get some massive clarity HERE!